This is a hard question that I ponder with frequently.
How do I know if this is what he wants? If so, when does he want this from me?
Recently, Abba spoke to be very bluntly about adoption. I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was at work, just fed Jonas and was cleaning off the table, when time literally stood still. I have always heard this expression before and never understood what it meant until now.
However, God was very clear that I need to start praying diligently that adoption would become legalized in Egypt; that my daughter awaits me there... its so hard for me to even wrap my mind around, but God created me and possibly created me for this child.
Timing is another issue i struggle with. After hearing and believing this, I want to jump on the next flight out and go and get my child, but how? I'm not ready? I'm not married. Will I be single forever?
...sigh
So, how? How do I follow his call. three years ago, I would have said to wait. Now, I say run. Run towards his calling, living in obedience and ask for the belief that he will lead me there. Although, I do believe God calls us to "wait" sometimes, but we should be actively seeking him, so run! I would love to have children,although he thought of having them now puts me in a bit of a frenzy because clearly I feel I am just not ready. Must remind myself, His Will, His Timing.
It is so hard to not let the enemy rob this from me, in fact, as i write this a million doubts fill my mind, but God keeps whispering his promises to me.
the reason for writing this is to keep it as a " journey" and as a possible reminder. I invite you to pray with me as I run towards everything that will bring Him glory.
