Today I got to see my Grandma...
After hearing many stories of how she was doing bad and found out that she has bone cancer, I wanted to see her, but I was also scared because I remember my Grandma as a fun loving, full of life and energy. This was not the case... tonight I went to go see her and she just lay there with her eyes half open and not active or there like she used to.
I can't even put into words what I am feeling. I need to process it, but I don't want to think about it nor do i want to be reminded it of what she looked like tonight.
I am reading Matthew and reading how many times Jesus healed the blind,lame,paralyzed and dead. makes me think how strong their faith was, they believed and knew Jesus would heal.
However, the more and more I read the more I saw that the people who were well were praying and seeking for healing there family or loved ones. They BELIEVED that Jesus would heal there loved ones and He did.
Something I can think about...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Oh BOY
Boys,Boys...
I have always wanted to get married it has always been on my mind and I never thought that there was anything wrong with this...
Well God has shown me how much I put this desire before him and how I am not giving him this and will not trust him.
I want to so badly give this desire to him. I want to give Him my heart so that I may receive His.
Recently, I felt like God put this guy on my heart and my thoughts were consumed with this guy and it made me so happy, beautiful, important to get attention from this guy. Until, this guy that I thought God "put on my heart" got a girlfriend. I was heartbroken... I did not understand why God would allow me to hurt like this. My thoughts were rejected and i felt lost.
When praying and reading the word God showed me how much he loves me and how it hurts Him when I hurt.
I learned:
- God is protecting and guarding my heart, He had to teach me that I need to be satisfied in Him and not man. No man can ever fully satisfy me, only God can
- God needed to break me to get my attention and see what I was seeking and finding happiness in. I truly felt happy when I was getting attention form this guy...
- God showed me His heart and let me see that He is wanting my attention and when I am seeking other things, I am rejecting Him and that breaks His heart.
I want the cry of my heart to be to bring Him praise and nothing else. This is my prayer and I am so thankful that God is still working in me and that I am not complete yet!
I am so thankful that every time I fail Him I am caught in His grace and His mercy remains!
Later Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house. Many tax collectors and "sinners" came. They ate with Jesus and his disciples.
The Pharisees saw this. So they asked the disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
Jesus heard that. So he said, "Those who are healthy don't need a doctor. Sick people do. Go and learn what this means, 'I want mercy and not sacrifice.'—(Hosea 6:6) I have not come to get those who think they are right with God to follow me. I have come to get sinners to follow me."
Matthew 9:11-13
I have always wanted to get married it has always been on my mind and I never thought that there was anything wrong with this...
Well God has shown me how much I put this desire before him and how I am not giving him this and will not trust him.
I want to so badly give this desire to him. I want to give Him my heart so that I may receive His.
Recently, I felt like God put this guy on my heart and my thoughts were consumed with this guy and it made me so happy, beautiful, important to get attention from this guy. Until, this guy that I thought God "put on my heart" got a girlfriend. I was heartbroken... I did not understand why God would allow me to hurt like this. My thoughts were rejected and i felt lost.
When praying and reading the word God showed me how much he loves me and how it hurts Him when I hurt.
I learned:
- God is protecting and guarding my heart, He had to teach me that I need to be satisfied in Him and not man. No man can ever fully satisfy me, only God can
- God needed to break me to get my attention and see what I was seeking and finding happiness in. I truly felt happy when I was getting attention form this guy...
- God showed me His heart and let me see that He is wanting my attention and when I am seeking other things, I am rejecting Him and that breaks His heart.
I want the cry of my heart to be to bring Him praise and nothing else. This is my prayer and I am so thankful that God is still working in me and that I am not complete yet!
I am so thankful that every time I fail Him I am caught in His grace and His mercy remains!
Later Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house. Many tax collectors and "sinners" came. They ate with Jesus and his disciples.
The Pharisees saw this. So they asked the disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
Jesus heard that. So he said, "Those who are healthy don't need a doctor. Sick people do. Go and learn what this means, 'I want mercy and not sacrifice.'—(Hosea 6:6) I have not come to get those who think they are right with God to follow me. I have come to get sinners to follow me."
Matthew 9:11-13
Monday, July 12, 2010
Corinthians
I am back from N Africa and never thought I would be so sad in my life. In my time alone with the lord i was asking Why i was this sad and questioned if i should move there or strive to fully serve the lord here like I did in Africa... after many days of prayer the lord spoke to me:
He showed me how much i had fallen in love with Him, how much i fully depended on Him, how much I was in prayer, how He was always on my mind.
I came to terms that yes, God might want me to move there and serve and seek... yes, He may want me to live here and serve and seek... But HE WANTS ME TO SERVE AND SEEK.
I feel so completely in love with God because I would seek him and he reveled himself to me.
He broke my heart for what breaks His, He gave me His love to give to others, He showed me what I am placing before Him and what I am not trusting Him with.
This trip was hard because my prayer was break my heart for what breaks yours... and He did, but I am so thankful. I feel like I was ready to take my next step in faith but I could not do that until I gave God a fragment of my heart, so He would give me a slip of His.
During my time there I read 1and2 Corinthians and learned so much and how my heart was seeking other things and how God allows us to suffer through our struggles so we may learn through them. If every time we struggled and God took it away right away, how would we learn from it? We wouldn't we would fall back into it.
Even though it is hard and sucks, we must joyfully go through these trials and seek God and His wisdom. He will reveal it to us.
He showed me how much i had fallen in love with Him, how much i fully depended on Him, how much I was in prayer, how He was always on my mind.
I came to terms that yes, God might want me to move there and serve and seek... yes, He may want me to live here and serve and seek... But HE WANTS ME TO SERVE AND SEEK.
I feel so completely in love with God because I would seek him and he reveled himself to me.
He broke my heart for what breaks His, He gave me His love to give to others, He showed me what I am placing before Him and what I am not trusting Him with.
This trip was hard because my prayer was break my heart for what breaks yours... and He did, but I am so thankful. I feel like I was ready to take my next step in faith but I could not do that until I gave God a fragment of my heart, so He would give me a slip of His.
During my time there I read 1and2 Corinthians and learned so much and how my heart was seeking other things and how God allows us to suffer through our struggles so we may learn through them. If every time we struggled and God took it away right away, how would we learn from it? We wouldn't we would fall back into it.
Even though it is hard and sucks, we must joyfully go through these trials and seek God and His wisdom. He will reveal it to us.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Power
Yesterday...
- Earlier we had a team worship that God was totally a part of, his presence in the room was over whelming. God really focused us on 1 Corinthians about having love, which is funny because that has been where he has led me to read before coming here.
we got to go back to the church that we were invited to for the 3rd night. We even got to have the sermon translated for us which was amazing to hear the truth! The sermon was also based on 1 Corinthians's!!
I have never felt God's presence more than I have on this trip. He is using this team to encourage people and be a light to, BUT not by anything we are doing or saying God has just blessed this team with the opportunity for Him to speak through us.
I can not even begin to tell you how much God has done here and how huge He is moving.I am encouraged every second that I am here because I know I serve a God who is hearing,comforting,powerful,mighty,Just,and he has made that so much more real.
- Earlier we had a team worship that God was totally a part of, his presence in the room was over whelming. God really focused us on 1 Corinthians about having love, which is funny because that has been where he has led me to read before coming here.
we got to go back to the church that we were invited to for the 3rd night. We even got to have the sermon translated for us which was amazing to hear the truth! The sermon was also based on 1 Corinthians's!!
I have never felt God's presence more than I have on this trip. He is using this team to encourage people and be a light to, BUT not by anything we are doing or saying God has just blessed this team with the opportunity for Him to speak through us.
I can not even begin to tell you how much God has done here and how huge He is moving.I am encouraged every second that I am here because I know I serve a God who is hearing,comforting,powerful,mighty,Just,and he has made that so much more real.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Africa
We are here and seeing more than I would ever expect... I can not tell you How big and powerful God is here, it is so amazing. It just makes me realize how much I limit God in my life personally.
There are people attending churches and considering converting!
We go to widow churches and pray over the women, sing with them, show them certain stretches to help with their pain that may be prevented.
We go to underground churches and feel the presences of God so strongly it is amazing to be a part of. I am encouraged by the faith these people have and want to serve them with my all.
I got to share my testimony and asked God to speak through me and He was faithful and did that. I was so blessed to hear the preacher tell me that my story touched there hearts and I can only give God the credit. We have invited back and even though I can not understand what they are saying I leave there so filled. The holy spirit is there and its awesome.
More to come..
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
buried with Christ
Hmmm...
Tonight I was baptized and it was amazing!
Amazing to see what God has brought me through and still does
Amazing to see the wonderful friends supporting me
Amazing to see the people God is working in
Amazing to see an act like this and Him stir questions in people.
I love knowing God has and will use my testimony for His glory that this may lead someone to him.
I love that when I call on the Holy spirit to speak through me, it never fails.
I love that he is Strong where I am weak and He uses my weakness.
I love that His spirit is so strong it can and will bring the most hardest of hearts to break.
God is just so amazing and I hope that He will look at me and be pleased!
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
Matthew 3:16&17
Tonight I was baptized and it was amazing!
Amazing to see what God has brought me through and still does
Amazing to see the wonderful friends supporting me
Amazing to see the people God is working in
Amazing to see an act like this and Him stir questions in people.
I love knowing God has and will use my testimony for His glory that this may lead someone to him.
I love that when I call on the Holy spirit to speak through me, it never fails.
I love that he is Strong where I am weak and He uses my weakness.
I love that His spirit is so strong it can and will bring the most hardest of hearts to break.
God is just so amazing and I hope that He will look at me and be pleased!
As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
Matthew 3:16&17
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Oh the JoY!
Today I babysat this adorable 3yr old little girl! Just watching her and being with her and watching the simple things that made her smile took me back and got me to thinking...
We went for a walk and she told me ALL about her day, then she got too tired to walk back so I gave her a "piggy back ride" She was laughing so hard and wanted to do that all night:0.
Then I made her dinner and she said "I want to eat on the couch", this prob is not allowed but I let her anyways... We turned on Dora and watched it and she had the biggest smile on her face and kept looking at me saying"Thank you ms. Katie" It was totally worth breaking the rules:). I let her stay up a little bit later to finish the movie then put her to bed...
What happen to the times that I got so much joy out of simple small things in life? Am I too old lol? or do I expect too much? hmm...
Yah this blog was pointless but I just wanted to write about it!
We went for a walk and she told me ALL about her day, then she got too tired to walk back so I gave her a "piggy back ride" She was laughing so hard and wanted to do that all night:0.
Then I made her dinner and she said "I want to eat on the couch", this prob is not allowed but I let her anyways... We turned on Dora and watched it and she had the biggest smile on her face and kept looking at me saying"Thank you ms. Katie" It was totally worth breaking the rules:). I let her stay up a little bit later to finish the movie then put her to bed...
What happen to the times that I got so much joy out of simple small things in life? Am I too old lol? or do I expect too much? hmm...
Yah this blog was pointless but I just wanted to write about it!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
for His glory
I have always been ashamed to tell my testimony and to truly look and dig down deep to where God has rescued me from... But that is just it, where GOD rescued me from.
I could never get up and walk away from the lifestyle i was living all alone.
I LOVED to party, that is what I was known for and I liked that attention.
I LOVED to drink and get wild and crazy and have no consequences.
I LOVED to smoke weed and cigarettes and get a second of having no worries.
I LOVED to get a high from doing cocaine and not look inside my life.
I LOVED to take pills to get away from my problems in my life.
I LOVED having meaningless "nights" with guys so I could feel empty and hate myself more.
Although I loved these things and always went to the next level so I could escape and hide from God, still there I was naked, covered in sin in front of him. Every time he tugged on my heart, the harder I tried to hide and get away from him. I searched for love in all these things and was angry with God that I was depressed and going through so much ALONE...
Why on earth would I walk away from that lifestyle that was mine and all that I knew and how people identified me with...
Well it took me having nothing, nobody completely falling on my face to realize that all I needed was Christ.
I was running away and as soon as I took His hand I fell in love. Everything that I LOVED and desired was gone and all the sudden I wanted to please this Loving God that Loves me even when I was covered in sin, he poured his blood on me and made me white as snow and made me HIS.
I look back and am amazed that he rescued me and still loved me and wanted me! How awesome that the God of the universe wanted my attention and wanted to spend time with me.
I just wanted to truly give God all the glory he deserves and more for the pits of my life that he rescued me from. That was a dark and scary place that I HATE looking back at but I know that God is going to use my testimony for his glory!
I could never get up and walk away from the lifestyle i was living all alone.
I LOVED to party, that is what I was known for and I liked that attention.
I LOVED to drink and get wild and crazy and have no consequences.
I LOVED to smoke weed and cigarettes and get a second of having no worries.
I LOVED to get a high from doing cocaine and not look inside my life.
I LOVED to take pills to get away from my problems in my life.
I LOVED having meaningless "nights" with guys so I could feel empty and hate myself more.
Although I loved these things and always went to the next level so I could escape and hide from God, still there I was naked, covered in sin in front of him. Every time he tugged on my heart, the harder I tried to hide and get away from him. I searched for love in all these things and was angry with God that I was depressed and going through so much ALONE...
Why on earth would I walk away from that lifestyle that was mine and all that I knew and how people identified me with...
Well it took me having nothing, nobody completely falling on my face to realize that all I needed was Christ.
I was running away and as soon as I took His hand I fell in love. Everything that I LOVED and desired was gone and all the sudden I wanted to please this Loving God that Loves me even when I was covered in sin, he poured his blood on me and made me white as snow and made me HIS.
I look back and am amazed that he rescued me and still loved me and wanted me! How awesome that the God of the universe wanted my attention and wanted to spend time with me.
I just wanted to truly give God all the glory he deserves and more for the pits of my life that he rescued me from. That was a dark and scary place that I HATE looking back at but I know that God is going to use my testimony for his glory!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Today...
Today I feel a little bit of blah...
I have not had a quiet time in a while and normally I feel depressed and guilty but today I feel... nothing...
Is this a bad thing?
Am I too comfortable in this lifestyle?
Am i too far away?
I love the fact that i can just come to God on my face and repent of my sins... I have o so many, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and wonder how God could love me and how he could forgive me over and over and OVER...
But He does.
I love that we have such an amazing God that even though I feel I am so far away He never moves! Praise God!
I have not had a quiet time in a while and normally I feel depressed and guilty but today I feel... nothing...
Is this a bad thing?
Am I too comfortable in this lifestyle?
Am i too far away?
I love the fact that i can just come to God on my face and repent of my sins... I have o so many, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and wonder how God could love me and how he could forgive me over and over and OVER...
But He does.
I love that we have such an amazing God that even though I feel I am so far away He never moves! Praise God!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
it is on
Well... the past two weeks have been amazing! I felt and experienced God like never before and felt like was going great and God was moving all in me and I was craving for him and it was great!
Then...
Today was the worst day, one of those days that you think will never end and everything and everyone just makes you so mad. Will it ever end?
5 kids in my class had horrible diarrhea diapers and had to be sent home
1 kid pukes on me and him
I have to stay at work with puke in my hair
Parents mad at me when I have to send them home
I do not get my raise
got in a huge fight with my mom
Was discouraged by someone that I really looked up to and disagree by the way they are "encouraging" people.
Had to work 7a-6p cause noone would cover my class.
When I got home, God revealed to me how much satan hated how close God and I were getting!
I was taking the "next level" with God and satan saw that as a threat and hated it. I am thrilled to see that satan even notices that I am getting so close to God!
God is great, even through my bad days. When I have bad days I want to learn how to lean on God and not get caught up in the devils plan for me, which is to lash out at everyone and get mad at God.
I believe that God wants me to get in a deeper relationship with him,so he allows me to have bad days so I can turn to him and praise him for the good days that he gives me!
Then...
Today was the worst day, one of those days that you think will never end and everything and everyone just makes you so mad. Will it ever end?
5 kids in my class had horrible diarrhea diapers and had to be sent home
1 kid pukes on me and him
I have to stay at work with puke in my hair
Parents mad at me when I have to send them home
I do not get my raise
got in a huge fight with my mom
Was discouraged by someone that I really looked up to and disagree by the way they are "encouraging" people.
Had to work 7a-6p cause noone would cover my class.
When I got home, God revealed to me how much satan hated how close God and I were getting!
I was taking the "next level" with God and satan saw that as a threat and hated it. I am thrilled to see that satan even notices that I am getting so close to God!
God is great, even through my bad days. When I have bad days I want to learn how to lean on God and not get caught up in the devils plan for me, which is to lash out at everyone and get mad at God.
I believe that God wants me to get in a deeper relationship with him,so he allows me to have bad days so I can turn to him and praise him for the good days that he gives me!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
great meetings with a great friend
Tonight I had dinner with my lovely Erin! It was a random date but i enjoyed every bit! Oh how wonderful our King is!
After reading an Amazing blog about this 19yr old who gives her life to Jesus daily, makes me feel encouraged and a failure... we found ourselves saying...
Why can't we be like her?
We want her life.
I want to experience God like she does.
Then after a very great prayer God revealed so much...
I need to strive to be like Jesus.
I need to hunger for His presence in me daily.
I need to obey the Word and let God take control.
Even though I do not do as much as most of the believers, God still loves me just as much.
Even though I am covered in sin he still washes me clean!
I want to lay my life, desires, wants down for Christ but I will need God's guidance, peace and comfort.
That is all for tonight!
After reading an Amazing blog about this 19yr old who gives her life to Jesus daily, makes me feel encouraged and a failure... we found ourselves saying...
Why can't we be like her?
We want her life.
I want to experience God like she does.
Then after a very great prayer God revealed so much...
I need to strive to be like Jesus.
I need to hunger for His presence in me daily.
I need to obey the Word and let God take control.
Even though I do not do as much as most of the believers, God still loves me just as much.
Even though I am covered in sin he still washes me clean!
I want to lay my life, desires, wants down for Christ but I will need God's guidance, peace and comfort.
That is all for tonight!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)