God is good and I see that and know that, but there are times when I am angry at Him and doubt him and then that is when I start to run from Him. God has blessed me with a job that on paper I am not qualified for and not to mention that I am the youngest person in my company and now I am there boss, which is really strange at times, and also really hard. Everyone keeps telling me that God is growing me through this and will do great things with this and through this experience. However, it is hard and I am sometimes at the point where i do not want it anymore. I am thankful that God has given me an amazing opportunity BUT I really hate it.
Then I start doubting and running from God. Then I tend to resort in my ways before God rescued me and I start thinking that He is keeping me from something.
Why am I so afraid to give things up for Him. He has given it all up for me...
This past month, I have been running from God and I keep trying to live life my way... this is never good...
Then today, I had such an empty feeling and decided I would do an hour of listening prayer.I started out by telling God I was sorry and to repent. Then I started telling him that He has disappointed me and it is very hard to trust Him and see the good in him. God was silent and heard me and gave me such peace.
Later I was telling my roommate that my prayer time was not a good one and I told her all I had said and she simply said "He can take it".
God hit me with that statement, he can take it and he wants me to come to him with the good, bad and the ugly. He cares for me and wants me to put it all out there for Him, my relationship will only get more intimate with him once I learn to do this.
But, God is growing me :)
