How to follow his call

This is a hard question that I ponder with frequently.
How do I know if this is what he wants? If so, when does he want this from me?
Recently, Abba spoke to be very bluntly about adoption. I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I was at work, just fed Jonas and was cleaning off the table, when time literally stood still. I have always heard this expression before and never understood what it meant until now.
However, God was very clear that I need to start praying diligently that adoption would become legalized in Egypt; that my daughter awaits me there... its so hard for me to even wrap my mind around, but God created me and possibly created me for this child.
Timing is another issue i struggle with. After hearing and believing this, I want to jump on the next flight out and go and get my child, but how? I'm not ready? I'm not married. Will I be single forever?
...sigh
So, how? How do I follow his call. three years ago, I would have said to wait. Now, I say run. Run towards his calling, living in obedience and ask for the belief that he will lead me there. Although, I do believe God calls us to "wait" sometimes, but we should be actively seeking him, so run!  I would love to have children,although he thought of having them now puts me in a bit of a frenzy because clearly I feel I am just not ready. Must remind myself, His Will, His Timing.
It is so hard to not let the enemy rob this from me, in fact,  as i write this a million doubts fill my mind, but God keeps whispering his promises to me.
the reason for writing this is to keep it as a " journey" and as a possible reminder. I invite you to pray with me as I run towards everything that will bring Him glory.

His Mercy Remains

God has been teaching me so much about me; forcing me to look into my past and find him in it all, even the ugly. praise him. He has been teaching me about his forgiveness and am still learning to accept it.
His Mercy Remains.
Last night i was asking him how does it look to serve you, to live for you, where do i even begin... what a big question, a question that every christian struggles with. I am so sick of sitting myself on the sidelines watching my brothers and sister bring glory to His sweet name. Why can't I? Am I not good enough? are my sins worse than theirs? I am just a mess...
" Lies" He tells me. those are all lies formed by the enemy to keep me from bringing glory to His name. Aren't all things possible through him.
I ask God again- Lead me to a chapter where I can learn about the service to you.
" James" he says. I laugh  instantly when I read the intro. because God is slapping me smack in the center, no hidden meaning, plain as day there it is. ( read the intro into James, better yet-- read James)
Going to bed last night was hard. God is sparking something in my heart. " I have something bigger for you" he says. I instantly feel uncomfortable and excited at the same time. I want that. I thought I wanted the cookie cutter American life. ( not that God doesn't call some of us to that) I want His story of my life. I want the life that He has planned for me. In this moment I am married to Him and that Is enough for me. I need Him to fight my flesh each day and fight the lies that my heart tells me that he is not enough.
I finally understand the verse in psalms; He knows the desires of my heart.
He knows the desires of the heart he created.

Twelve Stones

He told them, “Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the Lord your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder—twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel. We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.” Joshua 4:5-7

The Lord dried up the river so the people could cross, then had the twelve men carry the stones on their backs...

Many times we go through trails, struggles in our life and wonder "where is/was God during this time"? I ask the Lord this many times and He showed me through his word this morning.

The answer is, He is drying the river so we may continue walking through it, yes we carry those heavy stones on our backs the whole way, and we struggle, stop for rest, stray off the path... but the Lord clears the way and dries up that sea so we may walk through it.
Those hard stones that we focuses so much on as our struggles, they are placed there as a reminder of what God rescued us from.

My prayer becomes that I will not bury those stones and keep them in the dark, but that I will give God the glory for them and praise him for parting the sea for me.

JJ Heller - Only Love remains

I love this song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3BDYBGhSgI
Lyrics to Only Love Remains :
Scenes of you come rushing through You are breaking me down So break me into pieces That will grow in the ground I know that I deserve to die For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus As you tear me apart
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in meYou know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains
You burn away the ropes that bind And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth I begin to see reality For the first time in my lifeI know that I’m a shadow But I’m dancing in your light. Teach me to be humble. Call me from the grave. Show me how to walk with you upon the waves.Breathe into my spirit.Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

Matthew 13

Matthew 13:53-58

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+13&version=NIV

When Jesus had finished telling these stories and illustrations, he left that part of the country. He returned to Nazareth, his hometown. When he taught there in the synagogue, everyone was amazed and said, “Where does he get this wisdom and the power to do miracles?” Then they scoffed, “He’s just the carpenter’s son. Then Jesus told them, “A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.” And so he did only a few miracles there because of their unbelief.








This has become my life, the world I live in. Jesus told them, "a prophet is honored everywhere except in his hometown."



Have I become so comfortable in "knowing" Jesus that I will not believe or allow Him to work wonders in me, through me. When He is standing there saying "let me show you more". What would happen if we didn't limit our God?



He can move mountains, calm the seas... yet I still limit Him.



He has put this dream in my heart to travel to the unknown and open orphan homes to display a family unit to the fatherless. But, that is what is has become,a dream. A dream that I am holding onto and will not give to God because, 'I am just a carpenters son'. It has stayed a dream because of my unbelief.



I pray I give it over to Him along with my plans, pride, comfort, freedom, family and skills.

My soul thirst for you

So...I had this plant that i loved and was taking great care of it. Watering it, placing it in the sunlight. I went out of town and totally forgot about the plant and came home to this.
My poor little plant had no sunlight, no water and was clearly in bad shape.
I immediately started to water it and put it into the light, but days went by and still no change. The plant was still in bad shape and looked ugly.

The once green flourishing leaves were now brown and dropping.
God started speaking to me through my plant situation. This plant is just like my life. When I am in the word, living for Abba, filled with His spirit I am flourishing. However, when I am living in darkness and not feeding myself with the word this is what happens to me. I fall in sin. Get angry with the Lord and keep hidden in the darkness because I am shameful. When I call on the Lord He is there, saying "come, daughter. Rest in me my child".
The thing is, every time I'm on my know knees covered in sin. I come to the lord and he says" bear it no more". But instead of giving him it all. I try to fix it. I, like my plant am broken and try to cover up my sins and hope I will continue to grow. That can't happen because I will always be bearing that sin and it will hold me down.
Abba, want me to give it all to him. He wants to individually pluck the dead broken leaves off me. So I may grow and flourish in Him.
Matthew 13: 24-30
Amen.

Psalm 51:16

Even though my sins tear me down and I struggle daily, Father desires my broken heart, he wants my struggles to take them on so I will not bear them. Why do we feel guilty, when our father did not create us to carry our guilt. He desires my broken spirit, when we are dried out laying on the floor covered in the filth of our sins, the Lord looks at us as His precious child and picks us up and makes us clean. Hallelujah!

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.